Things that go Bump in the Night

I am a light-sleeper and so am likely to wake up with a start at all manner of things. There was the time I woke up to an earthquake. At first I thought I was imagining things. Then I decided it was my neighbours (say no more). Then I woke Andrew so that he could clarify that I was not going mad. By the time he came too, the earthquake had stopped. He did not believe me until it was on the news the next day. Then there was the explosion. There had been rumours that there had been a bomb-threat to the shopping centre. I awoke to a loud explosion in the night. I woke Andrew.
‘I think a bomb has gone off.’
He was about to say I was being ridiculous, when the night was filled with the sound of sirens. I was wrong about the bomb, it was an explosion at an oil refinery about 30 miles away.
Then there was the murderous scream in the middle of the night, from the fields behind the house. Even Andrew woke up to that one.
‘S**t someone is being murdered.’ I said, hauling myself out of bed.
‘Take your phone’ said Andrew as he drew the covers back over his head. Quite what the phone would do to protect me from the raging axe murderer, I don’t know, but I took it any way.
Tentatively I went down the path to the fields. The mobile came in handy as it lit the path for me. I could see a couple of cats and a fox. No body and thankfully no murderer. I assume said fox and cats may have been guilty of the commotion.
Now you may have noticed that my husband is not a great one for taking part in these night time excursions, but there is one condition under which he knows he cannot get away with drawing the covers over his head. The condition is when I say ‘There is a creature in the room.’
You see, I don’t do creatures. By creatures, I mean anything with more than 4 legs. So when we were on holiday this year and I awoke to a loud scuffling noise at the end of the bed, the word ‘creature’sprung into my head. Whatever it was, it was big. It was exploring where it should not be exploring (i.e. my bedroom in the middle of the night) and it needed to be persuaded that this was not a good thing to do. I woke Andy.
‘There’s something in the room.’
‘Mmmmm’
‘It’s a creature and it’s big.’
And that is the magic phrase. He knows there will be no peace until it has been dealt with. I kid you not, when we turned on the light, even Andrew went pale at the size of the cockroach that was playing around at the end of the bed. Monster was a more appropriate phrase. A few thousand blasts of insecticide later and we were more at risk of being killed by the fumes than the cockroach. I’d rather take on an axe -wielding murderer, during an explosion and an earthquake!

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~ by envisioningutopia on September 5, 2013.

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